Fic Notes: When You Play With Fire (It Burns)

[brittlepin]

If you haven't read the fic, read it here: When You Play With Fire (It Burns)

* Notes: This story was based in the 80's, so only if you have some sort of knowledge that stretches back to that time would you have possibly noticed it :s I mentioned two Korean car manufacturers (Hyundai and Kia) and the latest models they released at the time (Kia Besta van, manufactued since mid 80's, and Hyundai Pony II, which was maufactured from 1982). There was a passing mention of pagers and the political unrest in South Korea. Plus, no cellphones u_u At the time, heavy metal rock was really popular in Korea, so I also passingly menionted Sinawe, who were mad popular in the mid 80's. There might be some inaccuracies and blunders, because I started this story in modern times but at the suggestion of my beta shifted it to the 80's. That time frame fit much better with my plotline and a few other details. Please do not read unless you've read the fic. Please. EVERYTHING BEYOND THIS POINT IS A SPOILER! Compilation of Answers WHERE DID THIS IDEA COME FROM? I actually received a prompt along those lines: "Baekhyun is sacrificed to the Phoenix, God of the temple of the Sun". I've read many sacrifice fics where a person is thrown to the god, and the god and person fall in love at first sight (b/c god is so dashing and handsome, and the sacrificed person has to be a virgin beauty), have sex, story ends ;_; Usually the sacrifice is left tied by the temple until god comes and fetches him when no one's watching, or is thrown into some pit or something until god comes and gets him/her. So when it came to me, I thought, aw hell no! If I found out I were a sacrifice, I'd run like the devil's after me! (And that's what I made Baekhyun do LOL) BUT THEN . . . But since Baekhyun's life revolved around a religion, I needed to plant a seed of doubt, something that would convince him to rebel. Otherwise him running away would make no sense if he'd been surrounded by pious people all his life. Enter grandmother! I made his grandmother an outsider. Since she wasn't a believer she visibly prayed like everyone, but behind curtains, planted doubt in Baekhyun's mind about his own religion and god, and life itself. She didn't do it intentionally, she just spoke her mind. But as Baekhyun grows up, he feeds on her words, especially after she's killed and he turns 17 and finds out he's to be literally sacrificed. Symbolism & Other Tidbits Chanyeol What was Chanyeol? Who is he and why is he the way he is? I told this whole story from Baekhyun's perspective so that Chanyeol's story remains exactly what is: a secret and a mystery. Everything here is Baekhyun's understanding. You could say Chanyeol was god, or you could say he was a titan, or even just an immortal with a special gift. But ultimately, Chanyeol was a Phoenix. He was god in the eyes of those who worshiped him, because he was different, powerful and knowledgeable. They weren't aware of his human form, but his true form: The Phoenix. (You can also say that Chanyeol was just another living thing: like humans, birds, plants, aliens (lol), fairies(lol) etc) Since he lived for so long, he grew tired of the small town, watching people deteriorate whilst calling themselves his followers, and left it to explore the world. Enjoy the "human lifestyle". The sacrifices I didn't put this in the story because I didn't feel the need to (plus the story was moving from Baek's perspective, and this was outside his range of knowledge), but the 'sacrifices' were actually companions sent for Chanyeol. (This would mean that there really was something greater than Chanyeol!?) But since his followers had been 'misguided' over time, they began to kill the sacrifices. Baekhyun didn't know he'd be killed until he was 17. Before that, he only knew he was a 'favourite' of god because of his birthmark. Before that period, you could say he was in denial of his 'true destiny', Even during the sacrificial ceremony, the marks they made on Baekhyun's chest were the same as the tattoos on Chanyeol's. They also drew the Phoenix on his back. Baekhyun mentioned that his tribesmen had the Phoenix on them and Baekhyun had the Light. Chanyeol was the only person having both marks on his body. During the sacrifice, the drawings on Baekhyun were supposed to symbolize that he was more than a person who had to be killed. Those drawings put him on a level similar to Chanyeol. Baekhyun's birthmark Did Chanyeol not know Baekhyun was his sacrifice? Chanyeol did not know who Baekhyun was, EVER. He was simply enjoying himself and helping another person out from the 'goodness of his heart'. Chanyeol was attracted to him as well, something which stemmed from Baekhyun being his eternal companion, but they both didn't know that, of course. He became aware of Baekhyun's link to him AFTER Baekhyun showed him the birthmark. Chanyeol didn't jump onto anything because Baekhyun didn't believe in him. He hated his religion and was running away from his god. To make Baekhyun happy, Chanyeol decided to go with Baekhyun's plan and free him of his tribe. What about the other sacrifices? Chanyeol never had a chance to come across them because they stayed within the borders of their town. Baekhyun and Chanyeol were only able to meet because Baekhyun ran away. Additionally, Chanyeol had knowledge of what might/did happen to the sacrifices. He was already tired of his followers so he let them be. Then came Baekhyun, rebelling, refuting and a different version of fire. This stirred Chanyeol into action, because he finally met a sacrifice. The death at the filling station That is a symbolic moment and one of the most important parts of the entire fic. It represents two things. First, it is a literal representation that those people killed their own god, their own religion. They're derailed, detracted, and they don't even know it. As mentioned, the true followers of the Phoenix left the tribe when their religion began to get distorted. Those who were left behind obliterated it. Second, it reminds us of the Phoenix's most treasured power: rebirth, regeneration, reincarnation. Only those who made it to the end of the story will be able to experience the feeling and meaning of this, haha. The accusatory "You" as everyone burned Did people recognize Chanyeol? Chanyeol left a millennia ago. The people who recognized him were those whom he had encountered at the filling station. As anneliesegyi put it, "I'm back, bitches! Bet you thought you'd seen the last of me!" D.O's Role Did Chanyeol know the truth about D.O and purposely approach him to play into his hands/ the grand scheme of things to keep Baekhyun to himself? Or was Chanyeol truly unaware & D.O leading the tribe to them was their bad luck? Chanyeol really did have good (non-selfish) intentions towards Baekhyun. He was helping him get away and he would have let Baekhyun go to be happier, after all, Baekhyun was running away from him. Baekhyun might not have known, but Chanyeol did. The tribe finding them was pure rotten luck on their part. A person's religion isn't on their face, so D.O's betrayal was an unforeseen incident (Baekhyun was passed out to check for any hint of the small Phoenix tattoos the tribesmen have, and by that point in the story, he had grown comfortable and started feeling safe to be too careful). Chanyeol's original intention had been to see Baekhyun off. But when his own followers kill him (plus, Chanyeol is already pissed at them from the past) he comes back and ends it "once and for all". Messages to Take Away Religion is a journey I didn't really state it openly, but I wanted this one message to pass through: that religion is a journey. When you don't explore it, it makes you puppet dumb, so you need to venture out and seek answers, find the truth! Question it and let it excite you. Baekhyun's story is my message in literal terms. He went out with the mind to run away from god, and ended up finding him instead. The followers of the Phoenix followed the High One blindly. They never questioned him or the morality of their actions. They killed people for blasphemy, were going to kill a child, and who knows what else they had done. As Baekhyun mentioned, they cheated, killed, were infidels, criminals, YET, asked Baekhyun to be pure. That's hypocrisy right there. They didn't follow a god, they thought they did, but in reality, they followed a human (the High One) and because they were brainwashed, they didn't realize they'd been blind sided. Because of his grandmother, Baekhyun thinks for himself. He questions the people and their intentions. He concludes that he's not going to die for people like them. Without his grandmother, he might actually have been a willing sacrifice. Baekhyun, on his journey, finds god. The irony of the situation is that Baekhyun is running away from god, and finds him. Even more ironic is that Baekhyun doesn't have faith in a god his tribe teaches him about, but an 'infidel', Baekhyun's grandmother, was the one who's words led him to god instead. The people are hardcore followers of their religion, pious to a terrifying degree and they lost god somewhere in the past. Isn't it funny they kill their god by their own hands? They saw the true face, couldn't comprehend it, didn't believe it because their version of everything was distorted, and they killed him, never accepting they had wronged him. Even when I mention that Baekhyun finds god, it doesn't necessarily mean that he finds a religion or something to bow down to. It simply means that he found peace. He found something, someone, to believe in, to accept and love. Don't let others put you down When people point their fingers and say, 'You're surely going to hell for doing this this and that' 'Blah blah is going to heaven for being so and so', this one bit comes from those careless statements. We don't know God's heart(?) so we have no right saying such things, just as we have no right putting words into god's mouth. It's up to God. He decides who's fit for where, what, and why. Just as we're not EXO's parents and have no right screaming at them what they can and can't do. LOL. Sorry, I just had to put this in here :p The tribe declared Baekhyun impure and said he'd incurred god's wrath on them. But Chanyeol said to Baekhyun "I accept you." Chanyeol's wrath had actually been directed towards his followers. Those people died blaming Baekhyun, believing, even in their last moments, that they were being punished for the 'crime' he'd commited. I read this somewhere and I really thought it was worth sharing: "Won't it be funny if you hold a grudge against me over something God has already forgiven me for?" This isn't directly related to my fic, but my message is still the same. Don't let others put you down by their thoughtless statements. Just because someone says you're unfavourable in god's eyes doesn't mean it's true. They don't text with God and they certainly aren't gaining god's favour by making you feel bad. The common thing... I've presented these messages in a religious context, but they can actually be taken without them as well. Because the story flowed keeping a made-up religious community in mind, I broke things down to keep it alike. But the messages are simple messages that everyone could do well to believe in: - Life is a journey. There's no denying it. We all search for something throughout it. There will come a time, a moment, a day, a morning or evening, an hour, or long months when you'll be conflicted about your existance, or the purpose and meaning behind your birth. Unless you truly don't give any fucks :p But I've been through that stage as well, and I've made peace with myself and my surroundings. Finding peace, I believe, is the purpose of everyone's life. Everyone looks for something that makes them content, whether it's a murderer or a saint, and everyone finds it in different things. - Don't let others put you down. Don't you EVER fucking dare believe in what others tell you about you -or others for that matter. The best thing you can do is experiment and experience for yourself. I'm not telling you to flip tables and refuse help and advice. What I'm saying is, if there's something you believe in, something you want and know you can do, go for it. There's only one life and you're living it right now. (Wow this is so good, I'm going to use this in one of my fics!) They don't know you better than you know yourself. They don't know your heart or your mind. If there's someone telling you you can't do it, then all the more reason to shove the I DID IT in their faces. (For me it's I WILL DO BETTER THAN THIS NEXT TIME AND THEN I'LL SHOW YOU most of the time :s) Staying positive is the key! Remember, everything comes in its own time, the good and the bad. So if you're having a hard time, never forget that the good will come, and when it does, it will be rewarding. If there's anything left, don't feel shy about commenting and asking. This post came into being because similar questions were coming up. I've also enabled 'anonymous commenting' on my account so if anybody doesn't have an account, they can still talk to me. You can also drop a message on the AO3 post, where you'll be able to know when I respond. If you have a twitter then you're a lucky seed because I have one too! You can ask me there, or if you feel too shy, you can DM me, I don't mind! I also have a tumblr, where I've enabled the ask box, so you can still talk to me if you don't have an account. I don't think I can make it any more easier than this. Well, these are the only platforms I can respond to on any confusions you might have. I hope no one was offended or felt targeted by the theme of the fic. I didn't mean to hurt anyone's sentiments. It was just something I cooked up for fun, but ended up being far more than I initially intended for it to be. P.S, I'm pretty sure I've left out explanations for some things. I remember there were a lot of things connected to something or another, but I can't remember them too clearly at the moment, and the ones I remember aren't things to fret over. There were many more underlying messages I placed in the fic here are there, and more than half of them can be taken in a religious context LOL but can also be taken in simple meanings. All up to you, dear reader. It would be wonderful if you share your own interpretation and thoughts about what you read. I also enjoyed reading the guesses people made as they were reading (BECAUSE EVEN THOSE WHO FIGURED OUT THE TRUTH LOST TRACK HALF WAY HAHAHAHAHA). Everyone lost it at the filling station scene though x'D I love myself.

Comments

[anneliesegyi.livejournal.com]

Wow I'm mentioned in this post 😗 thank you!! 😚
And thank you for putting this up (eventho I've already asked most of the questions found here hahah), it's a great way to clear up the confusion abt this fic, and also let that amazing fic gain more recognition hehehehehe 😳❤

[brittlepin.livejournal.com]

Yeassss, someone mentioned that all their questions were answered when they went through the conversation between you and me xD

They suggested I put it up, especially my replies to your questions x'D and I kind of loved that one bit you mentioned so I had to put it in LOL

[idkwtfimd.livejournal.com]

You are fucking amazing!
You know, I actually thought that Baekhyun was hallucinating; he was "cut open" that is a lot of blood and you know what will happen when ppl loses their blood.
That whole when Chanyeol came, I was like "poor baekhyun :'(" / "he don't deserve this ㅠㅠ"
But then came this explanation about all this!
I was dead sure that Baekhyun died and hey! We can never know what happen to the dead. I thought you gonna make Baekhyun to be in some sort of limbo/au for the dead: where they continuing on living with the perception that those living are dead :-\ Even thinking about it breaks my heart alot. Thank you because you let him live. (Though I'm not sure about the part when you wrote "....before his senses shuts down....") hurmmmmm :-\

[brittlepin.livejournal.com]

༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽ Thank YOU!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥♥ Please accept all these hearts I'm throwing at you!!!! ♥♥♥♥♥♥♥

What you thought is so different! It never even crossed MY mind- and- wow! That could totally have worked too, hahaha, if I'd been feeling excessively cruel xD but I am shit for happy endings so yeah :|

Oh, don't worry don't worry! :D He is alive! :D
I ended it this way to leave it vague. Everyone can perceive whatever they want beyond this point :3

For me, "senses shut down" was him going to sleep, and then waking up as a different .... being.
I had a little epilogue planned out for this, but I feel like this story is just fine without one :3 I think it's best for everyone to think of whatever they want, because ultimately, what ended was sort of a happy ending OTL

[(Anonymous)]

This fic is one of my faves. At first, I skipped reading it because of the warnings but more people start to talk to me about it and I decided to give it a shot. I regret I didn't read it sooner.

As a reader, I enjoy the most when an author leaves secret messages or clues along the story that the reader might not catch at all until the very end and you did that. I really want to thank you for your hard work. I want to continue reading more of your stories (specially with Baekhyun in them, I don't know why I am so attached to the way you wrote Baekhyun).

I find myself going back to re-reading this fic and I love it every time. Thank you, again!

[brittlepin.livejournal.com]

I hope you somehow manage to see my response anon, because I'm so grateful you took aside time to read this! ^^ It's also really heartening to know that people are talking about this ;A; ❤ This fic had been such a journey itself, so it always makes me burst with happiness when someone talks to me about it, or drops a few words here and there
(╥﹏╥)

I think the warnings would scare away most people. I have a tendency to do that with fics of mine OTL
I hope you have fun looking through other fics ^^ though unfortunately, I only have two more with Baekhyun as the main ;;

[anknick.livejournal.com]

THIS WAS ONE OF THE BEST THINGS I'VE READ IN A LONG TIME. Sorry, If I'm commenting here, instead of the actual fic on here or on ao3. I've been stalking your fics for sometime now, I have many favorites and this is definitely one of them. I kinda figured out that Chanyeol was either God or some other being with power even though he never showed it blatantly, there were only certain hints here and there I guess. But the gas station scene still made my heart almost but out of my chest and I kept hoping him to come back to life right there. And I kept hoping and hoping and cried and cringed during the sacrifice preparation scenes. I would have thrown my phone out the window if this ended with both of them dead or something. Hehe <_< This was very well written, I love your explanations and the message you delivered through this. Imma bookmark this. Thank you for writing this!

[brittlepin.livejournal.com]

Nuuu wayyyy
This is what I kept saying after almost every line in your comment, haha x'D

Like, how did you guess? How did you even imagine it could be god? :'D I thought someone could suspect something like underlying mama!au but how god? Dx and then omg my other writings?? nuuuuuu, and, yeeaasss because the filling station scene, and then nuuuuuuu, how do i properly respond xD

A total summation would be: Thank you very, very, very much! :3 I'm always overjoyed for replies on this fic because it's been an adventure in itself, so it's always wonderful knowing it was somewhat of an adventure for anyone reading it too! :D

[anknick.livejournal.com]

Hehe XD
I read the fic again right after i finished reading it for the first time, and the last scene where the inferno burns all the devotees, maybe 3647382929 times, because i dunno why i am so fascinated by it D: Its really like Chanyeol said, "Sad but beautiful" I've babbled about this fic to anyone and everyone i know, regardless if they even know what i'm talking about ><.
I think there 2 instances which really made me believe that Chanyeol was probably God. one where he says "Even as a dog, Candy can sense human emotions.." or something like that, and i was like, IS SHE NOT A DOG THEN?! and second when Baekhyun was sharing his opinion on idol worship and Chanyeol was like, "What would you do if God was watching you right now?"
okay, this has become an unhealthy obsession.. but that's the way everything is with me, so yeah. <_<

[brittlepin.livejournal.com]

OoOoOoOo. Re-reading while keeping in mind that Chanyeol is God now would throw things into a different perspective :D But omg you picked on such minor things, like I'd honestly have breezed through them if I were reading, unless I was super concentrated and reading slowly and leisurely. And then I'd go crazy flipping backwards and trying to find out how and why and when and where I missed the signs OTL

The inferno and the filling station are two of my fav scenes haha. I don't know why, but I just-- love them haha xD

Thank you for thissss ༼ ༎ຶ ෴ ༎ຶ༽ /see my ugly crying face/

[anknick.livejournal.com]

I am a little too perceptive for my own good haha T^T
I have a question, you can answer it if you want to, or leave it a mystery XD It's upto you! Chanyeol was really agitated just before Baekhyun and he do the do (XD), was it because he was just not sure how Baekhyun feels about them or did he realise that they were about to be ambushed (?)... or caught, whichever suits better? It doesn't seem important but i just want to know, or rather did he see that he was going to be killed and foresaw that he was going to burn them all? um, god, i can't phrase what i want to ask orz
Basically when exactly did he think that enough was enough and he was going to end it all? Was it planned in advance or an impulsive decision when they started with the sacrifice?
Sorry, you don't have to explain if you'd rather leave it a mystery XD

[brittlepin.livejournal.com]

Oh no, I have no problem answering that! ^^

Rather than a mystery, I'd say it was something that was left in the air, unsaid.

Before Chanyeol and Baekhyun do to do (lol), Chanyeol is sort of emotionally distressed. By that point in the story he's already attached to Baekhyun and knows what Baekhyun means to him. Baekhyun, though being fond of Chanyeol, doesn't feel as strongly as Chanyeol does (because only Chanyeol knows of the bond between them, so consider his feelings maybe 1000x ??? lol). For most of the story, Baekhyun's priority is running away. He doesn't realize the extent of his feelings until Chanyeol is in danger.

Oops. Lost track of the question. Ok. So. Chanyeol's distress.

Chanyeol is willingly letting go of Baekhyun, and, in the simplest of words. It hurts. It hurts because Baekhyun, unknowingly, hates Chanyeol - The Phoenix. So Chanyeol chooses not to pursue him. Chanyeol chooses to help Baekhyun get as far away from him and his tribe. And it hurts more because he begins to see the look in Baekhyun's eyes change from gratefulness, to fondness, to something else. But it all remains curtained over Baekhyun's hate and his will to run and leave everything behind. It hurts because it keeps getting difficult. And when Baekhyun reciprocates with feelings, Chanyeol half looses it. He's internally conflicted on how to go on about his own feelings and the whole situation, when so far all he's been doing is make things work in Baekhyun's favour.

It's important to keep in mind that Chanyeol had been alone for a long, long time.

As for the massacre of The Phoenix's followers ... :v

Though Chanyeol wasn't overtly fond of his followers, there was still some degree of care and guardianship over the tribe. They worshiped him. He didn't like many (or any lol) of the things they did, but they worshiped him and it gained his favour.

His bond with Baekhyun quickly and easily transcended the weak one with his followers. He was already displeased with their actions and decisions, so when the tribe came to sacrifice Baekhyun, his final decision was driven by emotions, pent up frustrations and a culmination of Baekhyun's anger and fears.

That is why Chanyeol is both happy but upset by what he does.

Over the surface, Chanyeol may appear to be a simple character, but one can't say he was. The story flows from Baekhyun's perspective, and in the beginning he sees Chanyeol as a simple and silly man, but later on realizes that he isn't what he appears to be. Of course, since Baekhyun never exactly manages to unravel Chanyeol, I suppose no reader does either xD

And now I'm not sure if I answered what you were asking or if I ended up writing an essay over something else oops :v I hope it made sense anyway OTL

and sorry for the late reply >.< I got caught up in some things and forgot to check my LJ

[anknick.livejournal.com]

Oh God, yes! this answered all of my questions. Well, i can think of a shitton more if i start to think but, i'll leave them be XD Thank you for answering this! And i'm also sorry for replying late, I read this while i was going somewhere and thought i'd reply once i reach home but then i forgot :v
Btw, any essay relating to this story will be always welcomed XD

[brittlepin.livejournal.com]

You are very welcome! ♡ n_n

It's been fun talking about this! :D Brought back memories of a year back :'D
And this fic is generally fun/interesting to discuss because sometimes readers present theories I didn't think of either, and it opens me to wholly new perspectives xD Thanks for your time, it's honestly been fun! :D

[(Anonymous)]

I'm exhausted from college and decided to read this for fun but wtf did you do I can't stop reading till i reach the end asdfghjkl this is an awesome and meaningfull story thanks for sharing

[brittlepin.livejournal.com]

Probably not the best story to read when one is bone deep exhausted D: But ayyyy! I see you liked it ♡ That makes it worth it, I guess xD

Hope you have a good run in college! \o/

[ftnamira.livejournal.com]

A good friend of mine listed this fic in a You Must Read These Fics Before You Die list and I admit I've been procrastinating on reading it. I kept putting it off because of the tags but today, miraculously I decided to read this book in the midst of my Chemistry Lecture and I was floored. I totally was and still am, btw. You just made a 90k fic about abo (one of my fave genre) looked like nothing next to your fic. Im in awe with you talent and ability to create such intricate storyline.

When you left lil clues here and there, I knew something was up on Chanyeol's sleeve bcs for instance, service dogs aren't supposed to be that friendly (in my experience)??? Candy was literally up and sniffing Baekhyun when she was supposed to be on her guard and guiding/protecting Chanyeol. Then, when Chanyeol said “I must be a fucking millennium old, and I feel like a fucking hormonal teenager.” I was like 😏😏😏😏😏😏😏. But truly I'm glad that this ended happily and Baekhyun's misery ended BY Chanyeol and WITH Chanyeol.

Thank you so much for writing this masterpiece. I'm looking forward to read more of your fics 💕💕💕

[brittlepin.livejournal.com]

I can understand the hesitation to start on it. The tags make it look scarier than it is (I think) :v I can't count how many times I was told a reader stopped reading after the gas station scene, so I imagine not everyone made it to the end :s but that's where the entire game changes! So congratulations! :D You made it and eyyy you liked it too!

I find it more fun when it's not just the main characters who speak, but their backgrounds, actions and thoughtless statements too :D So that when you look back, you realize the signs were there all along...

Also, abo!!!! It's a guilty pleasure of mine LOL I've written garbage for that genre too lmao. Finding out that this lil piece beat the world of abo is !!!! \(✧o✧)/

Also, if I'm not wrong, I think you mentioned this on twitter too(?) Because when I saw the parts you'd highlighted I was /clutches chest/. The characters and romance all aside, the most important part was the messages a person took away from this, and I hope whenever, whoever reads this, whether they believe in something greater or not, that they remember these tiny things because sometimes they can make a world of difference for us.

Thanks for this work a chance! And thanks for this lovely comment! ♡

[ftnamira.livejournal.com]

My previous comment didn't do justice on how much gratitude I felt to you and your writing. To me, i see your fic as an educational piece of work, putting aside the fiction it has. You inserted so many messages and moral values that made this fic so special. Till date, I still talk about your fic even to my mom. The major topic of this fic (in my perspective anyway) is belief and it's a very sensitive topic. Like you can either do it right or not. There's no in between. And somehow with the way you wrote the fic, it wasn't as dangerous as the tags or claims. It's very eye-opening and informative. And I like that a lot. It's hard to find a fic that's both enjoyable and educational.

And yes I was the one who posted on twitter because what you wrote (your justifications/explanations on the message of the fic) was too good and too true for me not to share. Even if one couldn't make it to the end of the fic, at least the message got across and at the end of the day, that's what matters, I think.

And your fic perfectly embodies this quote I found "It is not a lie if the outcome is the same" when I read this fic for the second time. And I think that's nice. 💖